The Cadle Bowl 5: Assignment: Cove Bay

Today is the first of October and as such there is a chill in the air and a whiff of hot trash emanating from the bottom of the table. Things are starting to separate out now and those of us at the bottom are starting to get desperate for some wins. Is now the time for action? Do any of the strugglers have the guts and ambition to pull off a bold trade and redefine their season or are we ready to write the year off as a lost cause already? This week was a bit of a nightmare, particularly for myself, lots of players you would expect to score big didn't, here are a few examples Tom Brady, Mr Terrific stank in the Patriots win against the Bills, registering possibly one of the seasons lowest QB scores for a starter. Julio Jones, The Falcons were playing at home in their dome, Matt Ryan loves playing at home in his dome, the Falcons were down the whole game, Matt Ryan failed to get Julio going. OBJ, the Ravens become the first D to not consistently collapse the pocket on Mayfield t...

Well folks its Friday and as per league rules the race is on to see who can get the most drunk the quickest. Current drunk champ Lewis is a firm favourite to lead the league again but all it takes is a cheeky Saturday off for Stew and this competition is wide open. This has been a quiet week for me with little action in the way of cans, Wee Dave took a scenic whistlestop tour of the Scottish islands while Emo took a whistlestop tour of London before his glorious return to Aberdeen, hope he didn't bother unpacking. This week in football has been quiet so far, the joys of AB not being in the league! The biggest news of the week is Melvin Gordon reporting for duty for exactly the same amount of money as he was on before his hold out. In terms of successful negotiations this one can only be described as brexitesque and in true brexit fashion he may actually find himself out of pocket due to self inflicted fines being enforced by the Bolts. Elsewhere I saw that you can now buy Gardner ...

Well that was a fucker of a week. It began early on Friday morning when footballs best moustache Gardner Minshew led the Jags to a win over the Titans. Of especially hilarious note in this match was that Fournette had one run for 69 yards but finished the day with only 66 yards rushing. Later on the Antonio Brown saga hopefully came to an end (for now) when even the Patriots decided they didn't want him. You have to suspect that they and him know a hefty ban is coming and decided to hit the eject button before he costs them money. Later on Mr Big chest seemed to indicate that he was done with the NFL. The XFL have already stated that they're not interested and don't want the league to be a freak show but they need to draw the crowds somehow and an AB/Johnny Football combo might get the punters interested for at least a week. On Saturday I enjoyed the last days of the summer by wearing shorts and drinking cider out of skull shaped Halloween mason jars cause why not? On Sun...

We've waited all spring and summer for football and now all of a sudden we're nearly at the end of September and week 3 has already started. It won't be long until November and the dog weeks of the campaign. This week has been relatively quiet for NFL100 and I thought I might make it through this write up without a banter years report but alas no! I woke up this morning to discover that the mad, bad and dangerous to know Antonio Brown is now being accused of sending a string of what are being perceived as threatening texts to his second alleged assault victim, at this point you have to assume that not even playing for rangers, the evil empire, hamas , the Patriots is going to save him. Oh and Swag Kelly got cut again, the XFL could be all kinds of cray cray next year! Now to actual football, the week started last night with the Titans facing off against the Jags, the Titans did Titan things i.e. nothing of fantasy note. On the other side of the ball while the Jags won comf...

Week 2 started on Thursday around the time I opened my third can with the news that Sam Darnold was out of MNF with an illness that is best described as a 'teenage community kissing disease'. The banter levels from this story may go from high to Scottish football if news breaks of a team mate with the same illness. Despite my Scottish football pun originally being planned as a one article joke the NFL seems determined to roll with it. In the AB stakes, the worrying sex pest developments are threatening to derail the promising career of his own cousin 'Hollywood' Brown. The rookie receiver has been revealed to be a previously unnamed witness to an alleged assault by his troubled cousin. The Thursday night match up was a Bucs - Panthers affair that never really got going. Both QB's performed reasonably but neither look like living up to their off season hype, more worryingly for the Panthers and Lewis was the clunker posted by CMC. On Sunday I was somewhere around C...

Before we begin I would like to say that this weeks write up is rather early but I feel I must pass on some parting advice from the former commissioner in an attempt to justify my premature write up. Whilst handing over the keys to the office Commissioner Lewis gave me a knowing look in the eye and said 'never do anything for free if you can get your work to pay you for doing it'. Since I'm on holiday for the rest of the week much like your daily dump I'm getting this article written before I go home. So week 2 rolls around and those of us with normal sleeping patterns awoke to a flurry of activity, at airports all across Scotland. American journalists desperate for any sort of guidance on how to deal with the crazy old AB story are flying Scottish sport hacks over the pond in an attempt to get this moving target of a story covered as fully as possible. Early indications are that an attempt will be made to use the addicted to Baileys excuse. The latest news couldn...

So that is week 1 in the books and what a week it was. Things really kicked off on Saturday when the Antonio Brown story went full Scottish Football. To celebrate 100 years of the National Football League the Americans have decided to emulate the most bonkers league on the planet and this season is now officially known as Antonio Brown - the banter years. Like most of the crazy Scottish stories this one ended at Ibrox  Foxboro. The big question now is will Brown be miraculously cured of his crazy, we have to suspect that yes he will be, if not expect more bodies in the Boston area. Once we actually got down to football on Sunday Paddy Mahomes picked up where he left off which is definitely a good thing for the Chiefs given they allowed some guy who was starring in an Amdram production of My Name is Earl the night before to break all kinds of rookie records against them. Worryingly for the Chiefs (and Hills family) is that Tyreek will be spending a lot more time at home over the ...