Week 5 - The half vegan write up
Ladies, Gentlemen and Ryan welcome to week 5. This weekend I am super busy, going for a meal tonight, then we're off to world of birds in Cumbernauld tomorrow. If world of birds is anything more than a handful of pigeons sitting on a tramp and Seagulls trying to steal chips from Pamela's niece I'm going to be extremely disappointed. Can't even take cans cause I need to drive.
Elsewhere we're all starting to wonder if Officer Lewis has done a days work yet or if he's still getting diversity training. Ryan is figuratively running around Twitter telling everyone that a half vegan, half meat burger in a green bun isn't one of the worlds dumbest ideas cause it tastes good apparently (unlike any beers brewlol have made recently). Stew as per normal has overextended himself and signed up to 5 fantasy leagues, now we're all sitting here hoping that one week he will be playing the exact opposite teams in two of his leagues (most worryingly he recently admitted this league isn't the one he owns most shares of the Rams in, although he may just have been in the wrong WhatsApp chat).
As it is every other week things kicked off last night, with what looks like a decent enough match by Thursday night standards. Both Stew and Strawbs got a healthy 40+ points from this game so watch carefully for me never taking the lead against Strawbs and Smithy comfortably cruising past Stew. In Sundays action we kick off with the first of the London series of games, important note that this is an evening kick off our time so you DO NOT need to set your line up early this week. This may change for other games in the series. The London games can often be one sided affairs, particularly when west coast offenses are involved as they struggle to overcome the 8 hour time difference. The evening kick off in this match up may help make the game more even handed.
Back in the US, one of the seasons least culturally sensitive match ups kicks off when New England travel to Washington. Kyler Murray's Cardinals travel to Cincinnati in a match up where everyone involved will be attempting to make you forget the Dolphins are on bye this week. Famous Jameis and his Bucs are in the Big Easy with Winston looking to create a little Fitzmagic of his own.
The late window only features two games as Denver travel to LA to face the San Diego Chargers, the Packers head to Dallas to face the Cowboys and we're all left with a lot of Scott Hanson on redzone. Well after bedtime the Chiefs finally get some prime time airtime (it really is amazing how often Dalton appears in prime time match ups!) as the Colts travel to Kansas and on Monday the Browns are in San Francisco.
As we turn our attention to the Cadle bowl its worth stopping to note how things stand, we have 4 teams with a winning 3-1 record, 2 teams on 2-2 and 4 teams sitting on 1-3 (and if they are anything like me a slightly manic look in their eye).
We start our round up this week at the top with Chris, this week he takes on the former first lady of the league Raeanne. Chris is hoping that his Dalvin Cook led offense can continue to over-produce while his Patriots defence continue to obliterate all comers and with a trip to Washington that seems likely. He will be looking for a connection in his Cowboy QB/WR stack too. Raeanne meanwhile knows a win here pegs Chris back to the same scoreline but to get the win Raeanne needs her stud receivers to start performing, both Hopkins and Thielen have disappointed this season. At running back she has Gordon back and will be looking for him to get straight into a workhorse role, although Ekeler certainly stated his case last week for remaining starter.
Next up I take on Strawbs and for the second week in a row my opponent puts up over 40 points before the week even starts. Last week I was let down badly by all of my receivers as all three of them put up clunkers on exactly the same week. I have to hope that the talent levels are too high for that to happen again and will be hoping for a multi TD game from at least one of them. At Running Back I'm encouraged by the rapid increase in touches Montgomery is seeing but I'm still waiting for a break out game, elsewhere i'm still trying to piece my backs together like the worlds shittest Frankenstein. Strawbs meanwhile knows he got off to a good start and will be hoping to stay in front throughout the weekend, with the right results a win here will put him out clear at the top. John will be hoping that Ekeler did do enough last week to keep his start for the Bolts, while it is indicative of the poor play in Minnesota that he would rather trust a Patriots receiver than Diggs. If this match up comes down to whose Patriot scores more, White or Dorsett one of us is going to be furious.
Next up King Sheriff Lewis takes on Cregles where there are major differences between English law and Scottish law with respect to dealing with breach of the peace; unlike England and Wales where criminal penalties apply to the behaviour leading to or liable to cause a breach of the peace, it is a specific criminal offence in Scotland which is prosecuted daily in the sheriff courts and due to its common law definition it can be applied to a number of scenarios. The maximum punishment if a case is remitted to the High Court remains imprisonment for life although such severe punishment is now rarely applied, usually being associated with breaches of licence during an existing life sentence.
Last of our teams with a winning record is Smithy, this week he takes on Stew who is fresh off of his victory over Cregles last week and looking to make it two wins on the bounce. Like SJ1, Stew has jumped out to a 40+ point game however he has burnt through three players to get there making his lead slightly more precarious. Of his remaining players he will be looking at Michael Thomas to turn it on but not too much as he is also playing the Bucs D, for some reason. Smithy meanwhile has a solid unit that may not excite without Barkley but is more than capable of getting the job done. He will be hoping Davante Adams sits this week to get the most out of his Rogers MVS stack.
Finally we get to this weeks big London game and it's not the Bears v Raiders. The leagues resident butt pals, chuckle brothers, little and large, pitcher and catcher, baldy and hairy, half vegan half meat, London fly boys, Emo and Wee Dave face off against each other in their weekly double dutch rudder session. Meanwhile their teams face off in what is not predicted to be a close game. Emos bold strategy of drafting random players then making no moves on waivers or trades all season is already looking to be the success it has been every other year. Emo is still holding on to Antonio Brown in case an NFL team is foolish enough to pay the man money to instantly get banned. Ryan needs big things from Sammy Watkins and Corey Davis in this game and based on previous performances this may be a tall order. Both receivers have talent by the bucketful but a mixture of double coverage for Watkins and a honking QB for Davis means they're struggling. Dave is fresh off of sniping Smithy for all of his waiver claims and looking to ground and pound Emo with his superior work behind the line. Zeke and Shady are both known quantities while Dave is hoping Gallman gets the bulk of the work again this week and drives him through to cream all over Ryan with a final spurt at the end.
Once again that's it, have fun whatever you are doing, when deciding whether to beer or not just ask yourself 'what would Lewis do?'. I hope your team scores what you need it to score and remember be like Zammo, don't be a dick.
I'm on holiday from next Wednesday so if I manage to do a write up it will be combined with Tuesdays week 5 review so don't @ me later in the week. Thats it, fuck off.
Elsewhere we're all starting to wonder if Officer Lewis has done a days work yet or if he's still getting diversity training. Ryan is figuratively running around Twitter telling everyone that a half vegan, half meat burger in a green bun isn't one of the worlds dumbest ideas cause it tastes good apparently (unlike any beers brewlol have made recently). Stew as per normal has overextended himself and signed up to 5 fantasy leagues, now we're all sitting here hoping that one week he will be playing the exact opposite teams in two of his leagues (most worryingly he recently admitted this league isn't the one he owns most shares of the Rams in, although he may just have been in the wrong WhatsApp chat).
As it is every other week things kicked off last night, with what looks like a decent enough match by Thursday night standards. Both Stew and Strawbs got a healthy 40+ points from this game so watch carefully for me never taking the lead against Strawbs and Smithy comfortably cruising past Stew. In Sundays action we kick off with the first of the London series of games, important note that this is an evening kick off our time so you DO NOT need to set your line up early this week. This may change for other games in the series. The London games can often be one sided affairs, particularly when west coast offenses are involved as they struggle to overcome the 8 hour time difference. The evening kick off in this match up may help make the game more even handed.
Back in the US, one of the seasons least culturally sensitive match ups kicks off when New England travel to Washington. Kyler Murray's Cardinals travel to Cincinnati in a match up where everyone involved will be attempting to make you forget the Dolphins are on bye this week. Famous Jameis and his Bucs are in the Big Easy with Winston looking to create a little Fitzmagic of his own.
The late window only features two games as Denver travel to LA to face the San Diego Chargers, the Packers head to Dallas to face the Cowboys and we're all left with a lot of Scott Hanson on redzone. Well after bedtime the Chiefs finally get some prime time airtime (it really is amazing how often Dalton appears in prime time match ups!) as the Colts travel to Kansas and on Monday the Browns are in San Francisco.
As we turn our attention to the Cadle bowl its worth stopping to note how things stand, we have 4 teams with a winning 3-1 record, 2 teams on 2-2 and 4 teams sitting on 1-3 (and if they are anything like me a slightly manic look in their eye).
We start our round up this week at the top with Chris, this week he takes on the former first lady of the league Raeanne. Chris is hoping that his Dalvin Cook led offense can continue to over-produce while his Patriots defence continue to obliterate all comers and with a trip to Washington that seems likely. He will be looking for a connection in his Cowboy QB/WR stack too. Raeanne meanwhile knows a win here pegs Chris back to the same scoreline but to get the win Raeanne needs her stud receivers to start performing, both Hopkins and Thielen have disappointed this season. At running back she has Gordon back and will be looking for him to get straight into a workhorse role, although Ekeler certainly stated his case last week for remaining starter.
Next up I take on Strawbs and for the second week in a row my opponent puts up over 40 points before the week even starts. Last week I was let down badly by all of my receivers as all three of them put up clunkers on exactly the same week. I have to hope that the talent levels are too high for that to happen again and will be hoping for a multi TD game from at least one of them. At Running Back I'm encouraged by the rapid increase in touches Montgomery is seeing but I'm still waiting for a break out game, elsewhere i'm still trying to piece my backs together like the worlds shittest Frankenstein. Strawbs meanwhile knows he got off to a good start and will be hoping to stay in front throughout the weekend, with the right results a win here will put him out clear at the top. John will be hoping that Ekeler did do enough last week to keep his start for the Bolts, while it is indicative of the poor play in Minnesota that he would rather trust a Patriots receiver than Diggs. If this match up comes down to whose Patriot scores more, White or Dorsett one of us is going to be furious.
Next up King Sheriff Lewis takes on Cregles where there are major differences between English law and Scottish law with respect to dealing with breach of the peace; unlike England and Wales where criminal penalties apply to the behaviour leading to or liable to cause a breach of the peace, it is a specific criminal offence in Scotland which is prosecuted daily in the sheriff courts and due to its common law definition it can be applied to a number of scenarios. The maximum punishment if a case is remitted to the High Court remains imprisonment for life although such severe punishment is now rarely applied, usually being associated with breaches of licence during an existing life sentence.
Last of our teams with a winning record is Smithy, this week he takes on Stew who is fresh off of his victory over Cregles last week and looking to make it two wins on the bounce. Like SJ1, Stew has jumped out to a 40+ point game however he has burnt through three players to get there making his lead slightly more precarious. Of his remaining players he will be looking at Michael Thomas to turn it on but not too much as he is also playing the Bucs D, for some reason. Smithy meanwhile has a solid unit that may not excite without Barkley but is more than capable of getting the job done. He will be hoping Davante Adams sits this week to get the most out of his Rogers MVS stack.
Finally we get to this weeks big London game and it's not the Bears v Raiders. The leagues resident butt pals, chuckle brothers, little and large, pitcher and catcher, baldy and hairy, half vegan half meat, London fly boys, Emo and Wee Dave face off against each other in their weekly double dutch rudder session. Meanwhile their teams face off in what is not predicted to be a close game. Emos bold strategy of drafting random players then making no moves on waivers or trades all season is already looking to be the success it has been every other year. Emo is still holding on to Antonio Brown in case an NFL team is foolish enough to pay the man money to instantly get banned. Ryan needs big things from Sammy Watkins and Corey Davis in this game and based on previous performances this may be a tall order. Both receivers have talent by the bucketful but a mixture of double coverage for Watkins and a honking QB for Davis means they're struggling. Dave is fresh off of sniping Smithy for all of his waiver claims and looking to ground and pound Emo with his superior work behind the line. Zeke and Shady are both known quantities while Dave is hoping Gallman gets the bulk of the work again this week and drives him through to cream all over Ryan with a final spurt at the end.
Once again that's it, have fun whatever you are doing, when deciding whether to beer or not just ask yourself 'what would Lewis do?'. I hope your team scores what you need it to score and remember be like Zammo, don't be a dick.
I'm on holiday from next Wednesday so if I manage to do a write up it will be combined with Tuesdays week 5 review so don't @ me later in the week. Thats it, fuck off.
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